Tag: mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy

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Internal Validation vs. External Validation

Internal vs. external validation emotional aggression

`“If it’s never our fault, we can’t take responsibility for it. If we can’t take responsibility for it, we’ll always be its victim.”`

-Richard Bach, author

Internal Validation is the art of validating ourselves. We all like to be validated. It’s why we have relationships in the first place. We enter relationships so that others can support us emotionally. This can become a problem if we come to expect that others are responsible for validating us. Emotional aggression happens when we try to force others to validate us.

While others can choose to validate us by acting in emotionally supportive ways, we can also choose to validate ourselves. If others are validating us, then that validation is external because it is coming from someone besides ourselves. If, however, we are able to meet our own emotional needs, we are internally validated. It’s nice to have both, but there may be times when others cannot satisfy our emotional needs. In those times, it helps to be able to meet those needs ourselves.

The only healthy way to be emotionally validated by others is when others are willingly granting us such validation and support. If we attempt to force such support from others, we are acting from emotional aggression.

If we engage in fault-finding in an attempt to seek validation, we are projecting blame. Projecting blame is emotional aggression, because we are abdicating responsibility for our own emotional validation by attempting to blame, shame, or guilt others into emotionally supporting us against their will.

If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of a guilt-trip, you know that it is not a pleasant experience. If you’ve ever been the victim of a guilt-trip, ask yourself, “Is trying to make me feel guilty more likely or less likely to make me emotionally validate you?”

Now turn that around and put the shoe on the other foot. If you’re projecting blame onto your partner by trying to shame them or guilt them into doing what you want, do you think that such behavior is more likely or less likely to get the results you want?

If others are not meeting your emotional needs, and you are seeking external validation by behaving in emotionally aggressive ways in an attempt to get them to submit to your desires, do you really think you’re going to get the results you want? If the other person was doing it to you, would you be willing to respond in the way that they wanted?

Internal Validation is Loving Yourself

One way to avoid the tendency to engage in emotional aggression is to learn the art of internal validation. To be internally validated is to accept responsibility for your own emotional needs. The way to do this is to learn to love yourself.

Sometimes we get caught up in the idea that loving ourselves is somehow selfish or egotistical. But think about that for a moment. If you don’t love yourself, is it really fair of you to expect anybody else to love you? Not only that, but if you don’t love yourself, and you’re in a relationship with someone who loves you, eventually you might find yourself thinking along these lines, either consciously or unconsciously:

“I don’t really love myself, yet this person loves me. If I don’t love myself, yet this person says they love me, then there must be something wrong with him/her! How could a ‘normal’ person love someone like me, when I can’t even love me?”

If you don’t really love yourself, then you can’t really expect others how to love you in the way you’d like to be loved.

To learn to love yourself, first ask yourself, “Who am I, really?” Be as honest as possible when answering this question. In future weeks there will be an exercise to recognize some self-defeating beliefs and replace them with self-affirming beliefs.

For now, think about ways you can learn to love yourself and be happy in your own skin. It might help to talk these things over with your partner or with a friend or family member. A good way to start is to find out what others like about you.

If you feel uncomfortable asking others what they like about you, you could get the ball rolling by making a list of things you like about others, and sharing it with them. I’m willing to bet that they’d be likely to return the favor.

The more you are willing to do so, the more you’ll be able to self-validate as well.

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Don’t Lose Your Marbles!

bag of marbles exercise don't lose your marble

A fun way to practice mindfulness is the “Don’t Lose Your Marbles” exercise.
The purpose of this exercise is to become aware of how many times throughout the day we have negative thoughts about ourselves and our families. As we become aware of that pattern of negative thoughts, we can replace them with positive, more compassionate thoughts. Those positive thoughts lead to more positive expectations of ourselves and our families.

Don’t Lose Your Marbles Exercise

Here’s how it works:

  • Go to the toy store and buy a bag of marbles.
  • Put the marbles in your pocket or purse so that you have them with you all day.
  • Every time you catch yourself having a negative thought, take a marble out of the bag and put it in your pocket or purse, or just set it aside somewhere where it won’t get lost.
  • Every time you catch yourself having a positive thought, put a marble back into the bag.
  • At the end of the day, if your bag is empty, you’ve ‘lost all your marbles.’
  • To get the marbles back into the bag, you have to say one positive thing about yourself or your family for each marble you return to the bag. Don’t go to bed at night until all the marbles are back in the bag!
    The marbles are a physical representation of our inner thought processes. Use this exercise to help change negative self-talk habits by giving yourself a physical reminder of how often during the day you have negative thoughts.
  • Over time you can change your thought habits. The first step is recognizing that they’re there. This exercise will help you make that connection.
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Emotional Regulation

Emotional Regulation

Successful mood management comes from successful emotional regulation. Emotional regulation means recognizing patterns of emotional aggression and stopping the cycle of emotional aggression before it starts. This means becoming aware of and attuned to your own cycles of emotions.

Before you can become attuned to your own cycles of emotional behavior, you must first be able to identify your emotions.

Society often teaches us that there are acceptable emotions to display in public, and unacceptable emotions to display in public. Those emotions that we feel safe displaying are our secondary emotions. In situations where people tend to become emotionally aggressive, there are underlying emotions driving these secondary emotions.

These underlying emotions, called primary emotions, are emotions that we do not feel safe displaying or discussing in public. If we suppress these primary emotions for long enough, it is possible that we may eventually forget what these emotions are and what they feel like. When this happens, the first step to emotional regulation is to identify these lost emotions.

By using the mindful skills of observing and describing, you can distract yourself from drowning in unpleasant emotions by simply identifying the emotions and describing their characteristics to yourself. As you step outside of the stream of feeling by distracting yourself with the process of observing and describing, it may help to name these emotions to yourself.

For example, if you’re feeling angry, repeat to yourself, “That’s anger.” As you begin to ponder this emotional state, trace it back to its origin. Are there any primary emotions driving the anger? Could it be that you are angry because you fear losing someone or something? Are you angry because of a fear of being inadequate in some area of your life? Are you angry because you are frustrated at a personal failure? The feeling behind the secondary emotion is the primary emotion.

Ruminating Cycles and Emotional Regulation

As you use your skills of observing and describing, you will not only be distracting yourself from fully experiencing the negative aspects of the mood. You will also be exploring the primary roots of the secondary emotion being experienced. As you observe and describe your emotional states to yourself, you become more emotionally aware of their origins. The more aware you are about the origins of those emotions, the more you are able to choose which emotions to give your full attention, and which emotions to let go.

A ruminating cycle is a cycle of thought or emotion. There are positive ruminating cycles and negative ruminating cycles. Such cycles consist of the self-talk we engage in as we go about our daily business.

Let’s look at a couple of scenarios involving ruminating cycles. These cycles are from Joe and Jim. Joe’s negative ruminating cycle might look like this:

“My wife just frowned at me. I wonder what she’s upset about?”
“What have I done wrong this time?”
“Can’t I ever do anything right?”
“Why is it so hard to please her?”
“Maybe I should just divorce her and get it over with. She’s never happy.”
“I’ll show her! I’ll give her the silent treatment!”

Jim’s positive ruminating cycle might look like this:

“My wife just frowned. I wonder if she’s upset?”
“Maybe she’s just having a bad day.”
“I wonder if there’s anything I can do to help?”
“I’m happy that she trusts me enough to share her innermost feelings with me!”

Joe’s negative ruminating cycle assumes that his wife’s frown was personal in that Joe believes that his wife was frowning at him. Jim, on the other hand, simply noted that his wife had frowned, without assuming that the frown was directed at him personally. Joe also assumed that his wife’s frown was indicative of a pervasive problem: That Joe cannot ever do anything to please his wife. Jim, on the other hand, recognized that this was just one incident, and not a pervasive problem. His response to his wife’s frown was, “Maybe she’s just having a bad day.”

Finally, Joe’s ruminating cycle assumes a permanent problem: That Joe can’t “ever do anything right,” while Jim doesn’t see it as a permanent problem. He’s even willing to try to change the situation by wondering if there is anything he can do to help his wife.

Try this: The next time you find yourself in a ruminating cycle, whether it is a positive cycle or a negative cycle, begin talking out loud. Verbalize your thought and feeling patterns by observing and describing them. Look for any permanent, personal or pervasive patterns of thinking and feeling.

Be on the lookout for all-or-nothing thinking. You can usually identify such patterns of thought by looking for words like always and never. The good news about thoughts like, “Things have always been this way,” and “Things are never going to change,” is that you only need one example to disprove them. If Joe has ever done a single thing to please his wife, then he cannot say, “I can never do anything to please her.”

If Joe can find just one example of where things have gone well, then he can’t say, “I always do the wrong thing.” He might do the wrong thing 99,999 times, but if there’s even one case in which he did the right thing, then he is not justified in saying, “I always do the wrong thing.”

If Joe can think of a single time when he was able to do the right thing, then it means that it is possible to do the right thing. If it is possible to do the right thing once, it is possible to do the right thing again. All that remains is figuring out what made it possible, and repeating the conditions that made it possible.

The key point to remember about ruminating cycles is that they are self-reinforcing. Emotions like to hang around once they’ve shown up. Research has shown that once a ruminating cycle of emotional aggression gets started, we tend to act, think, and feel in ways that perpetuate the cycle. We’re conditioned to believe that when we have strong emotions, we must immediately act upon them.

Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy teaches us that we do not have to act on those emotions, and we don’t have to dwell on them. We can simply observe and describe those emotions without feeling the need to react or respond.

It may help to remember that there is no such thing as a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ feeling. What may be considered ‘good’ or ‘bad’ is the behavior that comes after the feeling. So the problem is in the behavior, not the feeling itself. One of the behaviors that can be labeled as ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ or ‘positive’ or ‘negative,’ is the ruminating cycle itself.

It works in this way: You have a negative feeling (anger, hostility, sadness, etc.). You then activate a ruminating cycle by continuing to dwell on the feeling. As you continue to dwell on the feeling, the negative emotion feeds off of the ruminating cycle and the emotion causes you to become more and more emotionally aroused, until you act out with emotional aggression.

You can change this behavior in this way: When you note a negative emotion, simply observe it and describe it, while recognizing that you do not have to dwell on it. The feeling itself is not ‘good’ or ‘bad.’ It simply is. You can decide not to give it power over you by disengaging from the ruminating cycle. In doing so, you don’t feed the negative emotion, and it eventually subsides.

When you have mastered this, you will be well on the way to managing your moods.

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Mindful Acceptance: Letting Go with Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy

mindful acceptance

“Never underestimate your power to change yourself; never overestimate your power to change others.”

— H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

One of the most powerful skills in mindfulness-based ecotherapy is mindful acceptance. Mindful acceptance is the art of letting go of unnecessary suffering while remaining fully present with life as it is. Unlike some approaches that focus only on changing thoughts or managing symptoms internally, mindfulness-based ecotherapy (MBE) emphasizes reconnecting with the natural world, the body, the senses, and the present-moment experience as pathways toward healing and resilience.

Mindfulness-based ecotherapy differs from many traditional mindfulness practices because it does not view mindfulness as something that occurs only inside the mind. Instead, MBE recognizes that humans are part of an interconnected ecological system. Healing happens not only through awareness of thoughts and emotions, but also through restoring a relationship with the earth, the body, community, and the rhythms of nature itself.

The skill of mindful acceptance teaches you to recognize the difference between what you can change and what you cannot. Once you have done everything realistically within your power to address a problem, continued anxiety and rumination no longer serve a useful purpose. At that point, mindful acceptance asks you to loosen your grip on the stress attached to the situation.

Mindful Acceptance Doesn’t Mean Giving Up

Importantly, letting go of anxiety does not necessarily mean giving up on solving the problem.

Suppose you have a car payment due and you do not currently have the money to pay it. Naturally, this situation may trigger fear, worry, and stress. You may brainstorm solutions, ask for help, reduce expenses, or search for additional income. However, once you have taken every practical step available in the present moment, the constant cycle of worry becomes emotionally exhausting and often counterproductive.

In mindfulness-based ecotherapy, one of the twelve core skills involves learning to observe your thoughts and feelings nonjudgmentally while grounding yourself in sensory awareness. You might sit outdoors beneath a tree, feel your feet on the earth, notice the movement of the wind, or listen to birdsong while observing the anxious thoughts moving through your awareness. Nature becomes an anchor that reminds you that life continues unfolding even during uncertainty.

Unlike purely cognitive approaches that may focus primarily on changing thought patterns, MBE integrates embodied awareness and ecological connection. The natural world helps regulate the nervous system by drawing your attention away from repetitive mental loops and back into the present moment.

Mindful Acceptance, Observing, and Describing

Another essential MBE skill is mindful observing. Instead of immediately reacting to anxiety, you learn to notice it with curiosity. What does the anxiety feel like in your body? Is your chest tight? Is your breathing shallow? Are your thoughts racing toward worst-case scenarios? By observing rather than fighting the experience, you create space between yourself and the anxiety.

This space allows you to make conscious decisions rather than reacting automatically.

The same principle applies in relationships. Imagine you feel disconnected from your partner because they rarely spend time with you. You suggest activities, initiate conversations, and communicate your feelings honestly, yet nothing changes. Many people respond to this situation by escalating their efforts to control the outcome. They may criticize, plead, withdraw emotionally, or become consumed with resentment.

Mindfulness-based ecotherapy approaches this differently.

Self-Compassion and Mindful Acceptance

One of the MBE skills involves recognizing the limits of personal control while strengthening self-awareness and self-compassion. You cannot force another person to change. However, you can change how you respond internally and externally. Practicing mindful acceptance means acknowledging your sadness, frustration, or disappointment without allowing those emotions to dominate your life.

In ecotherapy, the natural world often serves as a mirror for this process. Seasons change without resistance. Trees release leaves when it is time to let go. Rivers flow around obstacles instead of endlessly struggling against them. Nature teaches flexibility, adaptation, and resilience.

This ecological perspective is one of the major ways MBE differs from other mindfulness approaches. While many mindfulness practices emphasize internal awareness alone, mindfulness-based ecotherapy intentionally uses nature as both teacher and therapeutic partner.

Another of the twelve skills of MBE involves reducing rumination through present-moment sensory grounding. Rumination occurs when the mind repeatedly replays fears, regrets, or imagined future disasters. The more mental energy you feed into these cycles, the stronger they become.

Mindful acceptance interrupts this process.

You may notice the anxious thought arise, acknowledge it compassionately, and then redirect your awareness toward immediate sensory experience: the smell of rain, the warmth of sunlight, the sound of leaves moving in the wind, or the sensation of breathing deeply in fresh air. These practices help regulate emotional overwhelm by reconnecting you with the physical world instead of remaining trapped inside mental narratives.

Anxiety Has a Purpose

Mindfulness-based ecotherapy also recognizes that anxiety itself has a purpose. Anxiety evolved as a protective system designed to alert us to danger. In mindful acceptance, you are not trying to destroy anxiety or suppress difficult emotions. Instead, you learn to relate to them differently.

You might silently say:

“Thank you, anxiety, for trying to protect me. I am listening carefully, but I will also trust my own wisdom.”

This compassionate inner dialogue reflects another MBE principle: developing a collaborative relationship with your emotions instead of waging war against them.

Finally, mindful acceptance teaches that mistakes are not evidence of failure, but growth opportunities. In nature, growth rarely occurs without struggle. Forests regenerate after fires. Rivers carve canyons through persistence over time. Ecosystems adapt continuously to changing conditions.

Human beings are no different.

Every mistake contains information that can deepen wisdom, resilience, and self-understanding. Through mindful acceptance, you learn that healing does not require perfection. It requires awareness, compassion, flexibility, and the willingness to remain present even during uncertainty.

Mindfulness-based ecotherapy reminds you that while you cannot always control life’s circumstances, you can learn to live more peacefully within them. By reconnecting with nature, practicing mindful awareness, and letting go of unnecessary struggle, you create space for healing, growth, and inner balance.

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Learning to be Mindful: The Fisherman and His Son

fisherman and his son

The Fisherman and His Son is a parable that illustrates how to be mindfully intentional. It’s been said that the definition of insanity is “Doing the same thing in the same way and expecting different results.” In other words, if what you’re doing isn’t working, doing more of the same isn’t likely to work either. It may be time to do something different.

Mindfulness is a way to do something different.

When we commit to change, it sometimes feels strange at first. If you think about it, this only makes sense because if it didn’t feel weird, you’d probably already be doing it. Sometimes you have to think outside the box to get the change you want. This parable illustrates the concept of being open to trying something new, even if it feels strange at first.

The Fisherman and His Son: A Mindful Parable

A fisherman and his son were at sea, going about the daily tasks of catching enough fish to make their living. It was a beautiful spring day, and they were both enjoying the ocean. They were having a particularly good day. They had caught many fish, and they were ready to turn for home and make their way back to the shore when the fisherman noticed a tiny leak at the bow of the boat. The boat was slowly filling up with water. While the leak wasn’t a big one, they both realized that the boat would be full of water before they could row back to shore.

The father and son began to panic as they thought of the prospect of losing not only their boat, but the fine catch they had made that day. In his panic, the father suddenly seized upon an idea. He grabbed the oar and punched a hole in the side of the boat.

The son thought his fisherman father had gone mad. “What are you doing?” the son shouted.

The father replied, “I’m punching a hole in the bottom of the boat so the water can flow out!”

They both watched in horror as more water rushed into the boat the father had made. Seeing that his idea had not succeeded, but had only made things worse, the father began to furiously punch even more holes in the bottom of the boat.

The son, upon seeing this, yelled at his father, “Will you please stop it? Can’t you see you are only making things worse?”

But the fisherman said, “No, my idea will work! I just didn’t have enough holes in the boat! If I keep punching holes in the boat, the water will eventually flow out!”

The son watched helplessly as the father, in a frenzy, continued to batter more holes into the hull of the boat. Finally, the boat overflowed, sinking to the bottom of the sea and taking the catch of the day with it. The father and son had to swim to shore.

Upon arriving at the shore, totally exhausted, they both realized that they had not only lost a fine catch, but they had also lost their means of making a living. With the boat gone, they could no longer be fishermen. With great sadness, they turned to make their way home, wondering about what they’d do to survive in the future.

To think about…

What solutions to problems have you been trying that only make the problem worse? How could you make it better instead? If what you’re doing isn’t working, could it be time to try something different?

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Emotional Aggression and Gaslighting

emotional aggression and gaslighting

One of the concepts we frequently talk about in Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy is emotional aggression.

Emotional aggression and gaslighting usually go hand-in-hand. Gaslighting is used to perpetuate a perpetrator’s emotional aggression.

What is Emotional Aggression?

Emotional aggression is the aggressive use of our own emotional states in an attempt to manipulate or control others, or in an attempt to make others responsible for our moods.

If I hold others responsible for my emotional state, I am being emotionally aggressive. Likewise, if I attempt to control the emotional state of others against their will, I am being emotionally aggressive. The Emotional Aggression Questionnaire allows you to assess whether you are prone to acting in emotionally aggressive ways. Some statements emotionally aggressive people might make include:

“I won’t be happy until you do _ for me.”
“It’s your fault that I feel this way.”
“You made me feel …”
“You just need to stop feeling this way.”
“We’d get along just fine if you’d do things my way.”
“You have no right to be angry at me.”

People who are being emotionally aggressive usually rely on gaslighting to manipulate others with their emotions.

What is Gaslighting?

People who have been gaslit often feel anxious or depressed. Victims of gaslighting can develop mental health problems, including substance abuse issues and even thoughts of suicide. For this reason, it is important to recognize what emotional aggression is and to be familiar with its dynamics when working with patients and clients.

Some of the signs of gaslighting include:

emotional aggression and gaslighting
  • Doubting that your feelings and your reality are accurate or valid
  • Feeling that you’re just being too sensitive
  • Believing that you have no right to feel the way you do
  • Questioning your own judgment and choices
  • Questioning your own perceptions
  • Being afraid to speak up because it might cause conflict with someone who is being emotionally aggressive
  • Emotional cutoffs – shutting down in conversations about emotions because you don’t feel heard or valued
  • Feeling vulnerable and insecure
  • Feeling you’re always “walking on eggshells” when dealing with a person who is being emotionally aggressive
  • Feeling isolated and powerless
  • Doubting your own sense of self-worth and instead believing what an emotionally aggressive person is telling you about yourself
  • Being disappointed in yourself and who you have become – this is especially true if you fear disappointing an emotionally aggressive person
  • Feeling confused most of the time when talking to an emotionally aggressive person
  • You’re always “waiting for the other shoe to drop,” expecting something bad to happen all the time
  • You feel like you are never good enough, and you’re always apologizing
  • You second-guess yourself and find it hard to make decisions
  • You assume others are disappointed in you and never seem to be able to give yourself the benefit of the doubt
  • You wonder what’s wrong with you
  • You eventually give up on making your own choices and instead leave the decision-making to the emotionally aggressive person

If you recognize any of these signs, you may be dealing with an emotionally aggressive person who uses intimidation, manipulation, criticism, guilt, or emotional pressure to control conversations and relationships. Over time, this behavior can leave you feeling anxious, emotionally drained, confused, or constantly “walking on eggshells” around them.

Emotional Aggression and Gaslighting

Emotional aggression is not always loud or obvious. Sometimes it appears through sarcasm, passive-aggressive comments, silent treatment, blame-shifting, or repeated attempts to make you doubt your own feelings and perceptions. Learning to identify these patterns is an important step toward protecting your emotional well-being and strengthening healthy boundaries.

At the Mindful Ecotherapy Center, we believe mindfulness, self-awareness, and supportive relationships can help you reconnect with your inner sense of safety and confidence. Next time, we’ll explore some of the most common statements emotionally aggressive people use and discuss healthy, grounded ways you can respond to them.

Grampian Women’s Aid: Coercive Control: 10 Signs It’s Gaslighting
http://www.grampian-womens-aid.com/newsevents/gaslighting-10-signs

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Radical Acceptance

Radical acceptance means that you learn to accept yourself and others without judgment. It is a skill that can be learned in an afternoon, yet take a lifetime to master, especially in Western cultures where we are conditioned to strive for certain ideals of perfection. We are told by the media that if we don’t drive the right car, wear the right clothes, eat the right foods, vote for the right political candidate and wear the right perfume, we will not be accepted by others. This conditioning must be overcome in order to achieve radical acceptance.

The first step in radical acceptance is to meditate on the assumptions we have created for ourselves.

Examples of these might be, “I’m not handsome enough,” or, “I’m not smart enough,” or, “Nobody likes me.” Radical acceptance recognizes such thoughts and feelings without making value judgments about them, and without trying to deny or affirm them. For example, the thought, “Nobody likes me,” is not true, but the goal of radical acceptance is to simply note the fact that this thought is present in the observer’s psyche, and not to make a truth value judgment about the contents of the statement. It can be accepted as a thought process while not having to be incorporated into the observer’s sense of identity.

From this perspective, we are less concerned about whether or not the thought or feeling is true as we are about whether or not it is helpful. Is it effective to have these thoughts or feelings? If not, can I let them go?

Case Study: Juliet
Juliet has had a series of relationships. Every time one of these relationships ends, she goes into a downward spiral of emotional self-abuse, telling herself that she’s not good enough to have a relationship, asking herself why she’s such a “loser,” and panicking at the thought of being alone yet again. This panic causes her to leap right into yet another relationship and repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Implicit in all these thought and feeling cycles is the theme, “What’s wrong with me?”

By learning to radically accept herself just as she is, Juliet could come to realize that “This is the way I deal with emotions.” Eventually she may even be able to accept herself with unconditional love, and see this quirk as just a thing she does, and not as a character flaw. When caught in these cycles, Juliet could ask herself, “Is it true that there is something wrong with me? Is it helpful or effective to think that there is something wrong with me?”

Additionally, Juliet could learn that thoughts and feelings are not facts. They’re just things the brain has sometimes been conditioned to do in response to certain situations.

The irony is that by learning to accept these thoughts and feelings as a part of herself, it may lead to the realization that there is nothing wrong with her. Even if she never comes to that realization, she will be able to accept it as just a thing she does from time to time. It is perfectly natural to wonder “Is there something wrong with me;” however, such a question is just a thought, and not a fact.

Radical acceptance is the ability to see clearly the thoughts and feelings that are going on within us, as they occur, and to be able to accept them with love and openness. It also means coming to realize that thoughts and feelings are not facts.

When Juliet began to practice mindful meditation, she came to understand that the panic produced by losing a relationship was caused by her desire to find the “perfect” man for her. By finding this idealized individual, she hoped to prove her own self-worth. In her mind, if she could find the perfect man, he would help her to become the perfect woman. As Juliet came to recognize that her idea of perfection was just an arbitrary standard she had imposed on herself, she was able to accept and even love herself, even with all of her perceived “flaws.” This diminished need to be “perfect” allowed her to actually move towards loving herself just as she was. This renewed self-confidence allowed her to enter into a relationship that later led to a happy and successful marriage.

Juliet credited the success of her relationship on the fact that, “I learned to be responsible for my own happiness and well-being. In my previous relationships, I had put the responsibility for my happiness on my partner(s), and this impossible situation eventually drove them away. Once I learned to accept responsibility for my own happiness, I found someone with whom to share that happiness.”

Radical acceptance is about minimizing avoidance as much as possible. By meeting life head-on instead of trying to avoid certain aspects of it (such as unpleasant thoughts and emotions), we are able to live life more fully.
According to Hoffman & Asmundson (2008), “Patients are encouraged to embrace unwanted thoughts and feelings – such as anxiety, pain, and guilt – as an alternative to experiential avoidance. The goal is to end the struggle with unwanted thoughts and feelings without attempting to change or eliminate them.”

Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10(2), 125–143. Introduction to Special Issue 183

Cordon, S. L., Brown, K. W., & Gibson, P. R. (2009). The role of mindfulness-based stress reduction in perceived stress: Preliminary evidence for the moderating role of attachment style. Journal of Cognitive Psychotherapy: An International Quarterly, 23(3), 258–269.

Dimeff, L., & Linehan, M.M. (2001). Dialectical Behavior Therapy in a Nutshell. The California Psychologist, 34, 10-13.

Hofmann, S. G., & Asmundson, G. J. G. (2008). Acceptance and mindfulness-based therapy: New wave or old hat? Clinical Psychology Review, 28(1), 1–16. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpr.2007.09.003

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Being Effective

Mindfulness is the art of being effective. This simply means doing more of what works and less of what doesn’t work.

As you continue to hone your ability to focus only on one thing at a time, this skill can be extended to problem-solving. When you become mindfully aware of a problem with the idea of solving it, you have focused your intention on the solution rather than on the problem. You can talk about a problem all day, but in the end, talking about a problem does nothing to help solve it. Only by focusing your intention on solutions will the problem get solved.

In Mindfulness we speak of the power of intention. This means that we choose every act deliberately and purposefully, focusing our awareness on each task with intention. When using the power of intention, we never wander about aimlessly, driven by the winds of whim and fortune. Every act is deliberate. Every act is intentional. This is the power of intention.

Once there was a sculptor who was famous for his carvings of animals. Of all the animals he carved, his elephants were the most lifelike and inspiring. One day an art student came to him and asked him the secret to creating such beautiful elephants.

“The answer,” the artist replied, “Is simple. You just get a block of marble and chip away anything that doesn’t look like an elephant.”

When difficulties arise in life, it’s usually because we’ve set out to carve an elephant, but we suddenly find ourselves carving a bear or a donkey or some other animal instead. When this happens, we’ve gotten caught up in the details of living, and we have lost sight of our original goal, the elephant.

You may talk about the problem for as long you wish, but simply talking about the problem doesn’t do anything to actually solve the problem. If your intention is to have a happy, healthy life and happy, healthy relationships, then anything that doesn’t promote these ideals is irrelevant. It’s just marble to be carved away. If you find yourself constantly discussing problems, and never reaching resolution, ask yourself, “What is my intention?” or perhaps, “Is this the elephant I’m trying to carve, or is it just excess marble?”

Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) was developed by Segal, Williams and Teasdale (2002) as a method of treating clinical depression and for preventing relapse. There are eight sessions in the usual MBCT intervention:

  1. Automatic pilot and mindfulness
  2. Dealing with barriers and pleasant events
  3. Mindfulness of the breath
  4. Staying present
  5. Allowing and letting be
  6. Thoughts are not facts
  7. How can I best take care of myself?
  8. Using what has been learned to deal with future moods

In the first session, students are taught how to switch from “automatic pilot mode” or habitual mode, to intentional mode. Intentional mode involves moving from a ruminative mode to a mindful mode. Rumination in this sense refers to the tendency to engage in automatic patterns of thought, feeling and experience that lead to a recurrence of depressive symptoms.

These automatic patterns are driven by memory; i.e., they are learned responses to certain stimuli. By harnessing the power of intention, the practitioner of MBCT moves from this automatic ruminative state to an intentional, purposeful mindful state. Intentionality involves metacognition (thinking about thinking). By becoming a conscious observer of these automatic states, the student learns that these automatic thought processes are simply thoughts. They are not destiny, nor or they identity. My acting intentionally to step outside of oneself and simply observe and describe these automatic thoughts and feelings, practitioners learn that they have control over these internal states.

By using the power of intention to move from Thinking Mode to Sensing Mode, the student learns to view unwanted or difficult thoughts and feelings as passing mental events, and not as permanent characteristics. If the student can intentionally “ride out the wave” of depression or anxiety, then he/she will learn that “this too shall pass.”

Williams JM, Russell I, Russell D. Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: further issues in current evidence and future research. J Consult Clin Psychol. 2008 Jun;76(3):524-9. doi: 10.1037/0022-006X.76.3.524. PMID: 18540746; PMCID: PMC2834575.

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What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness for Therapists


“Mindfulness is the energy of being aware and awake to the present moment. It is the continuous practice of touching life deeply in every moment of daily life. To be mindful is to be truly alive and present with those around you and with what you are doing. We bring our body and mind into harmony while we wash the dishes, drive the car or take our morning cup of tea.”

–Thich Nhat Hanh, Zen Buddhist Monk and Founder of the An Quang Buddhist Institute

Think about the things that have caused you anxiety, stress or depression in the past. Now ask yourself, “Was it the things themselves that caused the anxiety, stress and depression, or was it what I believed about those things?”

Can you think of anything that you’ve ever been worried about, that wasn’t a product of your thoughts and feelings? Isn’t it true, in fact, that the worries come from the thoughts and feelings themselves, and not from the situations in which you find yourself?

If it is true that anxiety and depression are rooted in our thoughts, then we should be able to change our thoughts and eliminate, or at least minimize, anxiety and depression. Mindfulness is a way to change our thoughts. If you can change your thoughts, you can change your world.

The last two decades have seen an explosion in interest in the utility of Mindfulness for treating mental disorders. Consequently, there has been an interest in devising a clinical definition for the term ‘Mindfulness.’
Kabat-Zinn (2003) refers to Mindfulness as “paying attention on purpose, in the present moment, and non-judgmentally to the unfolding of experience moment by moment.”

Segal et al., (2004) describe Mindfulness as a state of being “fully present and attentive to the content of moment-by-moment experience.”

According to Baer (2003), “In general, while the specific focus of mindfulness may vary, individuals are instructed to be aware of thoughts but to be removed from the content of these thoughts.”

In short, mindfulness is a state of awareness in which we can choose to participate in the thought stream, or to simply observe it.

When we are able to be fully in the present, without worries, stress, or anxiety about the past or the future, we are being mindful. This doesn’t mean that we ignore or deny our thoughts or feelings. Instead, it just means that for now, in the present moment, we are consciously choosing how to respond to those thoughts and feelings.

REFERENCES

Baer, R. A. (2003). Mindfulness training as a clinical intervention: A conceptual and empirical review. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 10, 125-143.

Davidson, R.J., Kabat-Zinn, J., Schmacher, J., Rosenkranz, M., Muller, D., Santorelli, S.F., Urbanowski, F., Harringtron, A., Bonus, K., Sheridan , J.F., Alterations in brain and immune function produced by mindfulness meditation. Psychosomatic Medicine, 65: 564-570, 2003.

Segal, Z. V., Teasdale, J. D., & Williams, J. M. G. (2004). Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy: Theoretical rationale and empirical status. In S. G. Hayes, V. Follette, & M. Linehan (Eds.), Expanding the cognitive behavioral tradition. New York: Guilford Press.

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Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook 2nd Edition

workbook
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This is the second edition of the Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook. The original workbook was published in 2015, and the sciences of mindfulness and ecotherapy have advanced a great deal since that time. This second edition was updated to reflect this new research. This edition, like its predecessor, was written to accompany the 12-week Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy workshop series. Some of the exercises in this new edition have changed based on participant feedback regarding what is more helpful in facilitating nature experiences.

This new version of the handbook introduces the 12 skills of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy (MBE) and introduces one of these skills at each of the 12 sessions in the program. Although this book is designed to accompany the 12-week Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy workshop series, it may also be completed on your own at home. The experiential nature of the work allows anyone with access to outdoor spaces the opportunity to complete the series. If you are interested in participating in a workshop series near you, you can visit the Mindful Ecotherapy Center’s website at www.mindfulecotherapy.org. The website contains a directory of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapists worldwide

The second edition of the Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook represents a significant evolution in the integration of mindfulness, nature-based practices, and therapeutic skill development. The original workbook, first published in 2015, emerged at a time when mindfulness-based interventions and ecotherapy were gaining momentum but had not yet fully matured as research-informed practices. In the years since, the sciences of mindfulness, trauma treatment, somatic awareness, and nature-based mental health interventions have advanced substantially. This revised workbook reflects those developments while staying grounded in experiential, accessible practice.

The Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook is designed to accompany the 12-week Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy (MBE) workshop series. However, one of its strengths is its flexibility. While it functions seamlessly within a structured group setting, it can also be completed independently by individuals who wish to engage in the practices on their own. The experiential nature of the workbook allows participants to move beyond theory and into direct engagement with the natural world, using outdoor spaces as co-facilitators in the therapeutic process.

What’s New in the Second Edition

One of the most important updates in this second edition is the explicit introduction of the 12 core skills of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy. Each skill is presented in sequence, with one skill explored in depth during each of the 12 sessions of the program. This structure provides clarity, coherence, and a clear developmental arc, allowing participants to gradually build capacity rather than feeling overwhelmed.

Several exercises have been revised or replaced based on participant feedback from previous workshop cohorts. This feedback-driven approach ensures that the workbook prioritizes practices that genuinely support embodied awareness, emotional regulation, and meaningful connection with nature. Rather than offering abstract reflection prompts, the workbook emphasizes lived experience, sensory engagement, and mindful presence in outdoor environments.

The updated content also reflects newer research in areas such as:

  • Trauma-informed mindfulness
  • Nervous system regulation
  • Embodied and somatic awareness
  • The psychological benefits of green and blue spaces
  • Nature-based interventions for anxiety, depression, and stress

An Experiential Approach to Learning

Unlike many traditional self-help books, this workbook is intentionally experiential rather than purely instructional. The practices are designed to be done, not just read about. Participants are encouraged to spend time outdoors, observe natural processes, notice bodily sensations, and reflect on how these experiences intersect with thoughts, emotions, and values.

This approach aligns with the foundational philosophy of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy, which views nature not as a backdrop, but as an active participant in healing. Anyone with access to outdoor spaces—whether a forest, park, backyard, or urban green area—can meaningfully engage with the workbook. The practices are adaptable, making the material accessible across diverse environments and life circumstances.

For Groups and Individuals Alike

While the workbook was created to support the 12-week MBE workshop series, it is equally valuable for individual use. Therapists may integrate the workbook into their clinical work, while individuals may use it as a structured self-guided program. The pacing encourages reflection without pressure, reinforcing the principle that growth unfolds over time and through repeated, mindful engagement.

For those interested in participating in a facilitated workshop, the Mindful Ecotherapy Center maintains a global directory of Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy programs. This directory, available at www.mindfulecotherapy.org, connects individuals with trained providers offering workshops and groups worldwide.

A Living Resource for Ongoing Practice

The second edition of the Mindfulness-Based Ecotherapy Workbook is not meant to be completed once and shelved. Instead, it serves as a living resource that participants can return to as their relationship with mindfulness, nature, and self-awareness deepens. By grounding therapeutic skills in direct experience with the natural world, the workbook offers a sustainable and compassionate pathway toward psychological resilience and ecological connection.

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